Even if nobody else sings along?

Yesterday I was watching TV along with one of my friends. In one of channels there was an interview with a man and he suddenly started to talk about his boyfriend. My friend (he is completely and as far as somebody can be, straight) told something about how disgusting are gays. I said something like: everybody has right to love anybody that he likes and we can’t judge people like this and changed the subject of our conversation. During night I was thinking about this and felt really ashamed of myself. The coincidence was that exactly yesterday, thanks to recommendation of Arash, I bought DVDs of "Get Real" and "Beautiful Thing" and watched them. There is a scene in "Get Real" that John's (The boy who afraid people know he is gay) friends find out his boyfriend, Steven putting his face in John’s cloths and so they start to beat him. When John arrives, he sends his friends out and beat his bag while Steven pretends to getting beaten and fakes screams. Suddenly John's friends realize that one of teachers is approaching the locker room and run to inform john. They enter the locker room at the same moment that john and Steven are about to kiss each other. But when john sees his friends, he really throws Steven on the floor and kicks him. (This scene is completely in japanese version of Get Real trailer(It's in English with Japanese subtitles)).



During last night I was asking myself what did I do if I was at John's place? After watching the film, I was angry about John’s behaviour and loosing such a lovely boy as Steven. But how much courage somebody needs to be someone like Steven? I can be brave here. I can tell I am gay and I am not ashamed of it. But can I go to my friends and family and tell them: Hi guys, you know, I am gay. As Steven said: I am sick of being totally alone, hiding, feel sad, scared. But god, this is so difficult.

... And as I told, yesterday I watched "Get Real" and "Beautiful Thing". They are masterpieces. They remind me of "Billy Elliot". I must confess that I prefer British productions to their American cousins. American version of these two films is perhaps “Edge of Seventeen” (trailer). You can find more trailers of gay films along with a great compilation of gay short films at Online Cinema of Planet Out. Also I think "Get Real" is more realistic than "Beautiful thing". "Beautiful thing" is a fairy tale. Your neighbour boy is such a lovely lad. You fall in love with him and guess what: He is also gay and in love with you! And his father has no problem with this and even more: your mother loves your boyfriend! It's one of those films that make you feel warm and good for months. There is a scene in “Beautiful thing” which after going to a gay pub for the first time Jamie and Ste running between trees and play with each other and at last kissing each other while “Mama Cass” sings "Make Your Own Kind Of Music" in the background. I think although it's lovely, but jungle of "Get Real" which Steven and John found the only place for making love, is more realistic. When Steven's father asks him "Don't you think maybe one of those faggots might molest you in that jungle?" he answer: “Where else can WE go?”

Make Your Own Kind Of Music
By: Mama Cass Elliot

Nobody can tell ya
There's only one song worth singing
They may try and sell ya
Cause it hangs them up
To see someone like you

You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind music
Even if nobody else sings along

It can't be nowhere
The loneliest kind of lonely
It may be
Just to do your thing is the hardest things to do

You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind music
Even if nobody else sings along.

... And Episode 407 of Queer As Folk was even sadder than episode 406. Funeral of uncle Vic, testicle cancer of Brian and Ted's confusion. Theme of death and mortality oozing from every scene. But I can't complaint. A few minutes ago I told that I prefer more realistic things to fairy tales. THIS is reality.

PS: What a sad post. After watching those fantastic films, I want to write about how we can find beautiful things everywhere. How I just loved Steven and Jamie. But it seems stream of my conscious sings its own song.