I’m Still your Fag.

Last week I was totally paranoid. I wrote three posts and then I thought that maybe they cause trouble for me and didn't post them. First, after reading this post in Zananeh-ha weblog I want to write about how being insistent on using respectful words for gays actually can be harmful for us. We can even be Proud 2BA Fag. Also I wanted to write about my feeling toward the word "Hamjens-gara" and how every time I use it, it makes me feel somehow old and straight. I always loved to find a word for translating Gay or even better than that Queer to Persian. Actually I prefer "Shahed-bazi" to "Hamjens-garai", but it can’t be used as a general word. I love the words Queer and Gay over Homosexual. A few years ago after watching Queer TV’s interview with Dan Savage about using words like Fag or Queer, I even start to like faggot. Of course these faggots are not for burning. The second post that I wrote is about sex. One of my problems with the word "Hamjens-garaa" is that it seems to be emptied from any sexual aspects. I always think that sex in Iran become a little too absurd. Every time anybody speak about sex, people think what an impolite person. Every time I think about sex or watch something sexy, I feel ashamed of myself! Sex is one of our most humanly behaviours and so it's dirty and sometimes ugly in it physical form. But I think it's one of the most spiritual experiments of human life. And so even though sometimes sexual frenzy of Iranian youth in chat rooms becomes disturbing, having sex is great and even Plato had more than Platonic love. After all we are men and our “every nine seconds” is inevitable. The third post is about the picture of Baha’i temple of Wilmette and this song from Xenosaga.


I always loved mysticism and I think churches can be so much like places in fairy tales. Every time I saw a church or a mosque I remember elven stories and fly to land of dreams. That's one of most beautiful aspects of religion for me. But temple of Baha’i in Wilmette is most magical building that I ever saw and it seems straight out of a fairy tale. After finishing these posts, I didn't publish them. Because I thought that maybe they cause me some trouble from several aspects and it take me about a week to straighten! these matters for myself. I thought they might somehow present an image of me that I don't want other people to see. I think one of greatest torture of being an Iranian is that, even when we are not aware of it, we are always worry about how people will think about us. We always try to present a complete and ideal image of ourselves to our community, and my experiments showed that most of the times these images are completely false. We always compared ourselves with other people, and try to seem as successful as them, without noticing that maybe definition of success is different for everyone. Part of these is because of our family and our society. We didn't learn to be straight! Even with ourselves. As I talk with Iranians, I realize something about half of the FACTS that they told me are actually things that they made up or are things that they wish it to be. I love stories but you must know how much you can trust a FACT. I think one of the reasons that we are this much suspicious to each other is that in depth of our hearts we knew how much WE sold our tales as reality. But one of the reasons that I write this weblog is that at least come out to myself in my little closet. So lets be straight!

… And GLAAD, in private emails, replied to Queer as Folk fans and blames Showtime of didn’t letting Randy Harrison and Gale Harold to participate in Out Image award. I must confess that I prefer a public and official answer.

… And Xenosaga 2 release date for Japan is June. Last year trailer makes waiting really hard.